Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
that's an acceptable place to lick
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Randomize
