It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
