im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
We don't watch enough power rangers
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Never let your siblings swipe right.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Randomize
