He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
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