I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
