That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
