He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Randomize
