You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
