and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
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