So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
