i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
