In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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