He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Randomize
