"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
