I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Naked. naked and bneed help.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Randomize
