you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
