He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
