just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
