Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
