I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
