At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
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