; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
One girl and one boy is just not enough.
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Randomize
