some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Randomize
