Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
