he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
