The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
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