i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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