it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
