Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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