there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Randomize
