Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
