Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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