Cold hands, warm shart.
One girl and one boy is just not enough.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
