he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
