it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
