Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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