i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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