Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
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