I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
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