I molested 6 butterflies tonight
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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