For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
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