You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
