I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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