If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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