oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
the day after is always just damage control
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
