I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
we're so committed to being not committed
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
