That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
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