sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
