Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
