Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
