so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
