The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
