So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
