guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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